Get a Grip

A month ago, when we went to Katie's graduation, I ran into one of my comic-shop buddies. It was a surprise, mostly because I had no idea he knew Katie, so I did something I don't normally do. I offered a handshake. And I regretted it. Dude had a dead-fish handshake.

I don't know exactly why, but every time I encounter someone with a limp grip, I feel just a bit dirty.

Anyway, I've been thinking quite a bit about this. Ultimately, I think most people would do well to learn the proper etiquette. Things like,

a) NO LIMP HANDSHAKES! There are a lot of people who judge character by the strength of your grip. I am one of them.

b) Don't overdo it. You don't want to come across as over-bearing. You want a firm grip, enough to let the other person know you're there, but you don't want to crush his or her hand. My general rule is to match the other person's grip.

c) Don't start too far away. With one arm stretched out in front of you, people will wonder when you'll start the goose-step.

d) Don't prolong it. One or two pumps of the arm, if you're old fashioned. Most of the time, though, just grip and release. And definitely don't hold the other person's hand through a conversation. For one thing, it's awkward. For another, people like me will start entertaining notions of chopping off your hand.

e) If you're a man, never--NEVER--offer your hand to a lady. It's presumptuous as hell. Some women don't shake hands. Some do. Always let them initiate it. And if shaking hands with a woman, same rules as before.

Those are just some very basic things. I could go on a bit longer, and there are others who could out-talk me on the subject.

Bet you didn't think a geek could shake hands.