A Shameless Geek am I

Time to put on your nerd hat. Grab the asthma inhaler, insert the pocket protector, and put on the tape-wrapped horned-rim glasses. For the uninitiated, who for some reason God only knows is still reading: grab a smock or apron. Better yet, a raincoat. We're about to spill a lot of geek all over the place.

Right now, my beef is Star Wars games. Specifically, how the Force is portrayed.

Seriously, folks. Not too late to back out. Still with me? God help you.

Okay. Any Star Wars nut such as I knows what the Force is: an energy field created by life; it binds everything in existence, linking it so that one who properly understands the Force is able to utilize a kinship with the rest of the universe and influence it in direct or indirect ways. We try to ignore that shite about midichlorians (dammit, George!).

Those who were adept in the Force were sometimes known as sorcerers or witches, due to the mystery of the powers bestowed upon them. Someone sufficiently attuned with the Force would seem to be able to manipulate the world at the most base level, that of raw energy. The most simple application would be to physically move or affect matter: the ability to telekinetically lift objects; swat projectiles out of the air; or even accelerate one's own movement, resulting in lightning fast reflexes and towering leaps. They were granted precognition of varying magnitude: some could predict the enemy's next move, while some could foresee the outcome of a war. They were better able to master their own physiology and chemistry. They could read minds and implant suggestions or even imperatives.

My point? The Force--and the abilities it imparted--was inherently unquantifiable. There was no measuring, no categorization--except for that fine line between Light and Dark.

And yet, in the games, Force abilities are very carefully labeled and assigned. Requirements are applied to both player and character. Light and Dark powers are very specifically delineated. A Jedi can use Force Push, Force Speed, Mind Trick. A Sith can use Force Lightning and Force Grip (choking and crushing).

Yes, I understand that they are just video games. And video games require that elements be quantifiable. Buttons have to be mapped, and combos have to be assigned. Left Trigger + B Button must result in Force Power I, while Left Trigger + Y Button must yield Force Power II. I see it, I get it. I just don't like it. Having to abide by a specific moves list of powers robs me of the potential I felt while watching the movies and reading the books. It is simply too confining.

English Majors Have the Best Conversations

I'll prattle on for a bit, though what I really want to do right now is have a sit with my old friend Travis McGee, courtesy of the magnificent John D. MacDonald. I've been too long from the stories of the great gallumphing knight-errant. It is a grave disservice on my part, and for that I'm ashamed.

What I'm about to relate is a conversation I had with John, a co-worker of mine.

Me: See, if I was going to start a B-vitamin regimen, it would be those tablets that have about 8000% the daily dose.

John: Wouldn't that much fry your brain?

Me: No, B-vitamins aren't toxic. You can take as many as you want.

John: So what are they, just a bunch of bees?

Me: They're actually distilled from all the Bs people use. They just float out there until someone grabs them and condenses them down into vitamins. That's how they make vitamins. From all the letters people use.

John: So they're used?

Me: They're recycled, so it's okay. It's good, actually. Keeps the air clear. That's actually what causes global warming. It's not carbon emissions, it's from all the letters that don't get distilled into vitamins and just float out there. Because we don't have any vitamins after K. Think about it. That's also why vitamin E is in everything. E is the most used letter in the English language.

John: And carbon's not the problem, 'cause carbon starts with a K.

Me: Well, a C. But C's good, it gets used. So yeah, carbon's not the problem. Just all those letters. And talking about global warming doesn't help. I mean, all those letters, like G, L, W, and N, they don't get used. No vitamins for them. So they just float out there. They make it worse.

I'll stop there and spare you. But yeah. I made all that up, on the spot. I was proud of myself. And no, there were no chemical influences. That's just a typical conversation with John. It's like you start off peeling an orange, then you realize you're actually filleting a fish.

And then things just get weird.

"For a brick, he flies pretty good!"

Got Halo Wars about a week-and-a-half ago from Gamefly. Played some skirmishes, made sure to cover both UNSC and the Covenant. And I had a lot of fun. The mechanics are great: very simple and compatible with a 360 controller (only makes sense, as it was designed specifically for the 360). I didn't play it as much as I would've liked, so I didn't really get good at the controls. As such, I will keep my issues to a minimum: if there was a way I could deselect specific units, I never found it (there very well could have been; I had no manual to look to for reference). Ditto with sending detachments. If I have enemy tanks approaching, and I simply want to send just my anti-vehicle units, I would like something more specific than "all units" or "local units". Often times, I felt like I was sending far too many units toward an engagement.

And now to something else. I'm tired of the word "units".

I got a decent ways into the campaign, as well. I was really digging the story. The characters were starting to shape up very well, too. I could already tell there was probably some history between Forge and Anders. My only real issue with the story was that Serina did not seem as engaging a character. And she cannot be excused for being an artificial intelligence: Cortana, the AI from the original series, was one of the strongest personalities in the games.

Aside from that, I did have a problem with the gameplay, one that was significant enough that it sometimes had me turning off my console. That would be the save mechanic. Progress is saved automatically at the end of each level, and the player is given the option to save mid-gameplay. That's it. If you remember to save frequently, that's no problem. But guess who tends to forget that? Yup, moi. An auto-save function would have been fantastic. There are enough objectives in each level that installing a checkpoint after each one would have been a real godsend. To be honest, I'm keeping track of enough things as is. I have scouts to monitor, outbound units I have to keep an eye on, a base and resources to manage, new structures to build, new troops to train, new vehicles to manufacture, enemies to engage. The list goes on. Is it too much to ask that the game gives me a break with saving progress automatically?

Despite that, I kept returning to the game. Regardless of any shortcomings, it's still outrageously fun. And my favorite aspect of the whole game is seeing the Spartans in their prime. During one mission, I had nine (nine!) Spartans at my command. And what did I do with those nine Spartans? Why, attacked the enemy base, of course. I cycled up two MAC (magnetically accelerated cannon) rounds to take out the energy shield around the Covenant citadel, and then I let my entire army at them. I lost everything except the Spartans. Tough bastards, they. At one point, curious to see how the fight was going, I scrolled around the battlefield. I saw one Spartan getting attacked from behind by a twelve-foot-tall Hunter. The Spartan paused, turned around, and blasted the Hunter away. Then he returned to firing on the Covenant base.

I love those guys.

Good game. I heartily recommend it.

Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes

I was finally able to go see Watchmen. I will go ahead and say that it was faithful to the comic, more importantly, to the spirit of the comic. The casting was great: Billy Crudup (Osterman/Doc Manhattan), Patrick Wilson (Dreiberg/Nite Owl II), Malin Ackerman (Juspeczyk/Silk Specter II), Matthew Goode (Veidt/Ozymandias) and especially Jackie Earle Haley (Kovacs/Rorschach), among others. Did I mention Jackie Earle Haley? I did? Okay, great.

Great movie. Wonderful movie. Brilliant movie. Zack Snyder deserves his own sovereign nation for this.

Even better than how faithful they were able to remain, was where they decided to make the cuts. The Black Freighter is out. Thank God. As a writer, I was able to appreciate how the comic-within-a-comic provided an analog to the main story, how the hopelessness and despair were supposed to set the mood for the approaching doom of nuclear holocaust. As a reader, however, it bored the hell out of me. I wanted to get on with it, back to the characters I love.

Also changed is the ending. Those who've read the comic know that Adrian Veidt's plan is to bring the US and USSR governments together against a perceived mutual enemy, in the form of an alien invasion (and if you haven't read the comic, shame on you). Personally, I always felt this ending was sprung on the reader. It didn't have enough setup, and too much of it had to be explained by Veidt at the end for it to make sense. Almost like Moore was saying, "Oh yeah. I forgot to tell you, but this was going on, too."

Instead, Veidt setting up Dr. Manhattan to take the blame for the destruction of half of New York seemed the better way to go. It works with the elements at hand, rather than roping in a tenuous subplot that had been cast out to the reader several issues ago.

Not everyone agrees with me on the last one, but that's the beauty of literature. You don't have to.

My only regret is that I only just read the comic last year. So many people have lived with Watchmen for years, and I've only been really aware of it for one or two. I feel like there's so much I'm missing out on: even though I love the movie, it is not the epic for me that it is for the people who read the comic years ago.

I'm not touching on all the topics I want to, mostly because other people have talked about it. I just wanted to throw in my two-cents. I'd also recomment slipping over to PVPonline, and checking out what Scott Kurtz had to say. And while you're there, go back a few strips and check out his Ombudsmen arc. It's an homage to Watchmen and syndicated comics. Dude's got a lot of talent.

Oh, and did I mention Jackie Earle Haley is awesome? Okay, good. Just making sure.